Day 12 in Thailand. Word of the Day: Farang.

It refers to a foreigner, usually of European decent. Basically, “white person”.

It is also the name of the guava fruit.

The locals all giggle as my colleague purchases a plastic bag of sliced guava from a fruit stand. “Farang eat farang,” they snicker. (note: we have been informed that “eat” apparently connotes sexual activity)

As a child, I moved twelve times, including overseas. Now, my family lives in The Philippines, and I’ve traveled/lived/worked abroad every summer in my recent memory. The last thing I expected out of an internship in Thailand was culture shock. Perhaps a little jet lag, but definitely not culture shock. I’m a globetrotter, after all.

Everywhere I go I’m aware of my differences. I’m taller, my hair is lighter and curlier, my eyes are blue, my nose is bigger. There have been times in the US when I was aware of being the only girl in a project group or on a team or one of few in a classroom, but that was always a point of pride- “breaking the glass ceiling”, as Hillary would put it. But the awareness here is a different kind of awareness. Being in Thailand, I’m not advancing any minority population’s agenda, I’m not breaking any historical barriers of oppression. There’s no sense of pride or accomplishment in my presence.

On the metro I stare at my phone pretending to be engrossed in a text conversation, though I have no service, no wifi. I can feel eyes all over me. Let me be clear, they are never rude or mean. I have not once felt threatened or unsafe. They all always willingly try to accommodate my complete lack of Thai language skills. So why do my differences make me so uncomfortable?

I can fathom no other conclusion than my complete lack of experience as a true minority. Growing up, we moved from place to place, but it was from white-majority place to white-majority place. Even visiting my family in Manila, a week or two living in our serviced apartment filled with expats and diplomats is no chore. For the first time, I am living and working in a country where I stand out in every restaurant, on every street corner.

Even so, I won’t begin to understand the challenges of minorities all over, especially in the US. Here in Thailand, I know I’m here for a very finite amount of time, on a foreign adventure that will soon come to a close. I cannot imagine feeling the eyes of everyone around me noting my differences in the place I call home, my place of perpetual existence.

As I stand in the subway or walk through the markets, I do my best to blend in. As someone who prides herself on cultural awareness and appreciation, my worst fear is to be pegged as an oblivious American tourist. This desire to be inconspicuous and downplay my differences makes it alarmingly apparent why advocating for a minority cause presents such challenges; yet, I still say this from a position of no oppression and very little hardship. The true extent of the challenges I will likely never comprehend. Fighting for minority rights requires first standing up and audibly identifying that minority, likely a counterintuitive and uncomfortable action.

So, no inspiring advocacy for action here. Just some food for thought that hopefully makes us all a little more aware of our attitudes and appreciative of our neighbors.